Failed Products

For those of you familiar with this blog, you'll know these are the posts I reserve for products that were such a failure they don't even deserve full reviews.

Dior Diorshow Iconic Extreme Waterproof Mascara in Extreme Black
Time for another short review. This product is not worth $28.50 and I found it completely useless. It sort of produced a nice effect, of a little length and volume in a subtle, fluttery lash kind of way but it immediately dropped the curl I had spent the last 30 seconds coaxing into my lashes with my Shiseido eyelash curler. Seriously, I watched the curl droop within ten seconds of application like a sad wilting flower. I would not recommend this for straight Asian eyelashes like my own. Who cares if it's waterproof if it doesn't hold the curl in the first place?

EOS Everyday Hand Lotion and Berry Blossom Hand Lotion
These were on sale at Duane Reade one day so I picked up 2 of them in hopes that I'd prefer them to my kind of pricey L'Occitane hand creams. No luck. These certainly aren't as nicely scented but I could deal with that if they were moisturizing and softened my skin. Now, I didn't have an allergic reaction to these but I did experience odd results. These hand creams are nice and light like L'Occitane hand creams (obviously not as nice) and less like the thicker, more emollient creams made by Burt's Bees for example. They glide across the skin nicely but don't massage in very well. I feel like my hands are a little greasy for a while. The worst part is that a few minutes after the cream has dried, the skin on my hands (both the back of my hands and my palms) starts feeling very tight and kind of itchy and uncomfortable. Again, it's not an allergic reaction. It's more like that feeling you get when you apply a face mask and it tightens up as it dries. So to review, the fragrance is average, it doesn't feel particularly nice on the skin, it produces a tight, uncomfortable feeling, and it does not moisturize or soften skin at all.

Epicuren Extra Fine Citrus Facial Scrub (Note: I have dry skin. Not oily or acne prone.)
I was recommended this product a long time ago when I went to visit my facialist. It was a time when I knew nothing about skincare, not that I'm an expert now, and I didn't see the harm in splurging on a $25 product if it would really clean my pores. Well, it never cleaned my pores and after repeated use I've come to the conclusion that it 100% tears up my skin. It doesn't matter if I barely rub it in or use more pressure, any way I tried to effectively use this scrub it tore up my skin. I was left with peeling patches of skin on my nose, cheeks, and forehead. They weren't painful but certainly not what I would expect from an "extra fine" facial scrub. The product has a light scent that I suppose I would describe as citrusy but you don't really notice it all that much.

Failed Products

Hi darlings!

If you have followed this blog for a while, you might be familiar with my Failed Products round-up. This is a post where I collect all my most disappointing, most aggravating, and usually returned products into one big rant. It keeps me from wasting more time than necessary on these unsuccessful products and you get to read bite-sized mini reviews of frustration. Shall we get started?

Benefit Porefessional Primer (available at Sephora or directly from Benefit)
I have very large, often clogged pores on my nose, making me the target consumer for this product. This primer wasn't horrible but it was tremendously disappointing given all the hype. Like many Benefit products, this primer is scented. I smelled lemon but Benefit products generally just have a nondescript sort of light, pretty, feminine scent. You might find it pleasant or irritating. I wasn't bothered one way or the other. I did think it minimized the look of pores slightly when initially applied. However, during the day, I found the product sort of rising out of my pores so I had a bunch of little bumps on the surface of my nose. I also didn't like the finish, which was sort of matte yet silky. I found that the product emphasizes how dry my skin (I used this during winter) and it looked especially bad when I had a cold and my skin was red and irritated from sneezing. When it first comes out of the tube it looks like it has a color but if you blend well, it's not really pigmented. However, my skin tone is pretty light (I usually wear the lightest or close to the lightest shade of foundation in any line) so I'm not sure how this would perform on darker skin tones.
Rimmel London Lasting Finish Lipstick in 006 Pink Blush

I follow some UK bloggers who love Rimmel products but this lipstick didn't do anything for me. I found the packaging to be a little cheap. The tube is a shimmery eggplant color with silver metal which I don't mind but the closure only seems semi-secure. I was really afraid this one was going to pop open in my purse. It clicks open and closed but it feels a little weak. The lipstick itself is a very pretty stain finish pink with no shimmer. Application was smooth. HOWEVER, it looked absolutely terrible on my lips. The swatches do not do justice to how bad it looked. It felt greasy, it was not opaque no matter how many layers I applied and it sinks into your lips to fill in any lines but leave the rest of your lips patchily covered. I think the color was nice from a distance but it looks so terrible up close I can't possibly recommend it.

CVS Eye Makeup Remover

I'm going to keep this one nice and short. Quite simply, I found this product useless. It was utterly rubbish at removing my eye makeup. Even the products that can be removed with warm water and a bit of soap were too much for it to handle. I know this is a favorite of a few bloggers but the best I can say about it is that it wasn't oily (like the Neutrogena eye makeup remover) and it didn't sting my eyes much.

SEPHORA COLLECTION Lasting and Perfecting Corrector in 02 Medium
I tried out this concealer for about a week, finding its performance tremendously average but when it melted under pressure, it went back to the store. First of all, I dislike how few shades there are. This means its harder to fully match your skin tone and unlike other palette products, you can't just mix different shades to get your perfect color. Sephora offers this concealer in light, medium, and dark. It's basically a cream concealer in a twist up pencil shape. The product is double sides, with a larger rounded ended for covering a larger area and a small, sharper-tipped end for doing detail spot coverage or getting close to the lash line for precision. I'd say this product offers medium coverage and while you can make it look reasonably natural it doesn't blend in fully and can be noticeable under your eyes. It wore pretty well during most of the testing period though I did find that it faded a bit throughout the day. My breaking point came on a hot, humid day when it migrated down to the tops of my cheeks and left cakey residue in the outer corners of my eye.

Failed Products

It's harder to review products you just don't like so here's a roundup of all the duds I've tried, keeping it as short as possible.

Neutrogena Healthy Skin Liquid Makeup (foundation): I didn't outright hate this product but I got it to use on my dry skin and it ended up looking worse than the L'Oreal foundation I currently use. I didn't like the color selection which doesn't really account for the wide range of skin tones (light to dark) and base colors (yellow, pink, dusky) that I think a good foundation line should. I ended up going with Classic Ivory which is their lightest shade. It didn't look terrible on my skin but it was a touch artificial because the base was more white than yellow. It just looked awful and dry over my skin instead of dewy. I tried it with and without a primer. I tried using my fingers and different brushes (stippling brush, foundation brush) but nothing really improved the situation. Neutrogena foundation is super expensive in NYC, averaging $15 to $17 without tax so I would try and find a better drugstore option.

Wet n' Wild Single Eyeshadow in Platinum: This product was cheap and performed like it. That's basically all there is to say. I wanted a nice light silver without too much shimmer to layer over Maybelline's Tough as Taupe. I got a barely pigmented product. I couldn't even really swatch it for you. It's like you don't even pick up the gray, you just get a light wash of gray and lots of tacky (this time I mean cheap, not sticky) glitter particles.

Strawberry Lip Balm and Mango Lip Butter from The Body Shop: These just had an awful texture, did not do anything for my dry lips, and changed in taste to something horrible and unpleasant after an hour or two of wear.

Failed Products

Sometimes it's easier to do a little recap of items I've tried and didn't like. If you can't say anything nice, why go on and on about it?

Benefit's They're Real Mascara- I'd like to be a Benefit kind of girl. Their packaging is very attractive and there's just a lovely vibe to the brand. But so far, the only Benefit product I own and like is their Ooh La Lift highlighter. I tried with this mascara. I sincerely tried. But this product was a complete failure for me. The curl I had achieved with my eyelash curler promptly straightened out as soon as the product was on. I tried applying a little less (wiping the brush off almost entirely) and the curl stayed a bit at the end but the rest of the lash was straight. Also, I just couldn't really get an effect I liked with this. Unlike my aggravating L'Oreal mascaras which produce great volume or length but never dry and leave crazy lady smudges throughout the day...Benefit's They're Real Mascara gave me dark, spiky, hard lashes that also left crazy lady smudges throughout the day. No thank you.

Sephora Waterproof Eye Makeup Remover- One word. Useless. I grabbed this at the last second because I needed another few dollars to qualify for VIB status. But I had to return it.

• Pros: Didn't sting my eyes, reasonably gentle, not too greasy
• Cons: Small opening (probably meant for small cotton makeup wipes/pads), not effective on waterproof mascara, not effective on Maybelline gel eyeliner, small container (less product than drugstore brands)

Givenchy Rouge Interdit Satin Lipstick in 02 Beige Champagne- I didn't hate this lipstick. It just wasn't worth keeping. I actually liked the color which is similar to my natural lipcolor but a little darker/more pigmented. It was reasonably moisturizing though not great. It just didn't look spectacular on my lips. It sank in and accentuated lines. It would be horrible to wear on dry or chapped lip. I could get drugstore lipsticks that performed equally well or better. Loved the packaging but it's not worth carrying around a mediocre product just to own an expensive brand.

Pictures: http://smartandsarcasticwithdashesofinsanity.blogspot.com/2011/11/sephora-friends-and-family-sale-haul.html

YSL Rouge Pur Couture SPF 15 Pure Colour Satiny Radiance in 6 Rouge Bergamasque- Ugh. Oh, I hated this lipstick. My lips aren't very pigmented and my skin is pretty light but this just looked terrible. I can't imagine who this shade and this consistency/texture would work for. It was way too light in color and almost greasy/slimy instead of actually moisturizing. It just felt unpleasant. This also wore horribly, accentuating anything wrong with my lips and letting my natural lip color show through in patches/lines. Stay away from this.

Pictures: http://smartandsarcasticwithdashesofinsanity.blogspot.com/2011/11/sephora-friends-and-family-sale-haul.html

Failed Products

Sometimes it's just easier to do a roundup of products than a full review when I don't have anything good to say. The theme song to this post can be found here. :) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Pigw0qtAl4

Oscar Blandi pronto dry shampoo- I'm sure you've seen the mini size at your local Sephora. That's where I first saw it and picked it up. I've tried this again and again and I've finally reached a conclusion...it DOES ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. Even less than the guy in Alesha Dixon's song. I get a lemon cleaning-product scent to my hair that prevents me from wearing perfume for the day, NO volume, NO shine, NO conditioning, NO texture, AND recently streaks of dry, white powder. Yay! *sarcasm* Do not get this product.

Maybelline Fit Me Blush in light pink- I have a tiny collection of blushes but on the whole, I play it pretty safe so all I need is my Stila coral self-adjusting blush, my Tarte blush in Dollface, and the blush in my ELF blush/bronzer duo. However, the promise of good drugstore products is hard to resist, so after hearing some good reviews I went to pick this up. The only reason I never returned it was because I got it at a BOGO 1/2 off discount making it a little more than $2 and not worth the effort of going out of my way to walk to my local Rite Aid. Which is now closed. :( Anyway, this blush also DOES NOTHING. I take a bit on my brush and swipe it on my skin, and I can't see a difference. I take a lot and furiously attack the pan to pick up pigment before swiping it on my skin. I see a slight hint of sparkly shimmer.

Urban Decay Cannonball Ultra waterproof mascara (Black)- I had been (and still am) looking for a good mascara that does something for my lashes without smudging. This tinted and darkened my lashes which always get a bit of foundation/primer/eyeshadow on them but DIDN'T DO ANYTHING ELSE. NO volumizing, NO lengthening, NO real curling power. It held the slightest bit of a curl and made my lashes hard and spiky. Exactly what you want in a mascara, right? *sarcasm*

Kate Walsh Boyfriend Eau de Parfum- Do you want to smell like a hooker? If you answered no, then do not buy this product. That is all. ;)

Failed Products

Just a few words on products I've tried recently and had to return.

Garnier Fructis Style Brilliantine Shine Glossy Spray- Completely ineffective. It didn't kill all the volume in my hair like the John Freida cream I tried but it didn't tame flyaways, hold my style, or make my hair any shinier. It did deflate the volume of my hair a bit.

L'Oreal Colour Riche Le Gloss in 162 Blushing Berry I actually loved the color of this. It applied smoothly and evenly. I was ready to write a post about it being my new favorite drugstore berry shade but...I had some kind of allergic reaction to it. No one else seems to have had issues with it but it made my lips tingle/burn and dried them out so they now feel like a sort of rough crepe paper. I've been letting them heal by alternating between Vaseline and my favorite Dior Addict lipgloss (review to come soon).

L'Oreal Colour Riche Le Gloss in 158 Peach Fuzz  I had the same negative reaction to this gloss but I did not like the color. It's looks like you've applied a sheer, peachy gloss but there's something off about it. I think orange lip color works best in a more opaque form.

L'Oreal Colour Riche Lipstick in Peach Fuzz No problems with application or allergic reactions with this one, I just hated the color. It came out very frosty and very shimmery. Not the work appropriate neutral I was hoping for. Also, even though it applied smoothly and didn't dry out my lips, they looked dry when I had it on.

Physicians Formula Magic Mosaic Bronzer I have light-colored Asian skin. For reference, I use L'Oreal TruMatch in shade n2. I found this bronzer rather useless. The brush it comes with barely picks up any pigment. Just using my fingers to swipe on color, even concentrating only on the darker circles in the pan I couldn't really get anything to show up on my face.

Revlon Photoready Compact makeup I know this gets great reviews but I hated it when I tried it. It is way waaaay too shimmery. The texture is also terrible on my dry skin which I've heard from some people so if you have oily or combination skin it may work better on you. It just looked thick and unnnatural and greasy and well...disgusting. It comes with a pad like a flat makeup sponge but I didn't like it because it seemed to absorb too much of the product.

EOS Honeydew Lip Balm Again, a lot of online reviewers love this but I was not impressed. Yes, it smells lovely. Yes, it tastes lovely. But I don't need my lip product to be appetizing and edible. I just need it to do its job. Also, more enticingly edible and fragment lip products tempt you to keep licking your lips which will make dry lips worse. But that wasn't the problem. The problem is that this applies in a very waxy, drying way. When I'm applying it, it drags my lips and while I have it on, it's a thick, heavy, waxy shield. When I remove it, my lips are drier than when I applied it and skin will peel or crack a bit. I have a friend who bought another variety, the red one, which I think is some kind of berry/fruit flavor who has the same issues.