Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Anger... Thoughts on Writing

I don't like to give in to negative feelings when I can help it. Anger, sadness, frustration... These are things that we're told aren't productive. But what about when they are? I'm not saying I need to be ready to break all my china in order to write a brilliant essay but sometimes the bad, unhealthy feelings are the ones that inspire my best work. The isolation and frustration of my current boredom lets me delve into the depth of what a character might be feeling instead of chugging along with a tedious surface-skimming plot. Some of that leftover tension lets me bang out the review I've been putting off for the past few days despite already finishing the book. Our base feelings are sometimes what we need to tap into to say what we're really feeling, unhindered by the layers of politeness, protocol, familiar tropes, and easy rhythms that guide us through life.

But when I finished all this, I went to check my grades once again (I've been checking for most of the second half of the month) and finally the last one (the one I've been waiting on) was posted. Needless to say I was disappointed or I wouldn't be mentioning it. The anger didn't really come. I'd expelled it already in my writing. But there was still something thrumming beneath the surface. I suppose I'm writing them away now in this blog post.

I'm suppose I'm suggesting that's what writing is for in part. Writing away the negativity. Sure indulging it is probably not healthy but at least in my case, writing builds up the tension until it simply fades away. Am I still upset at my grade? Yes. Do I feel upset? No.

I realize this isn't terribly insightful but as I've mentioned, I've been doing a lot of writing in the last few hours so please forgive this less than brilliant post.

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